I am the LAMEST person ALIVE.

Or at least the clumsiest.

So far today I've spilled on myself or otherwise dirtied my clothes, oh, five times. No, three times.

First, I dropped a banana. The banana landed in the pot. The pot was full of soapy water and old spaghetti. The water splashed all over my shirt. Luckily none of the spaghetti found its way onto my white shirt, but the water was s-t-i-n-k-y for sure. And so I had to febreeze myself once I arrived at work.

The banana was just the beginning. I've lived with myself for twenty four years and still don't recognize the signs of impending klutz-o-matic behavior.

Once at work, I spilled coffee all over the front of my nice white shirt (which smelled quite delicious, thanks to the febreeze) and onto my pants. Fearing for my white shirt, as it is the only long-sleeved white shirt I even own, I rinsed the sleeves and front under water. Lucky for me I had a tank top underneath the shirt or else I would have been walking around with coffee spots. So as I'm trying to save this shirt, which I don't really like in the first place because it is a little too big and a little old, I splash bleach onto my pants.

The pants are a different story. I like the pants. The pants are nice. They are gray with a lilac pinstripe. They are from Gap. (Go figure. I love my GapCard a little too much.) They are one of the few pairs of pants I own that I can wear to work, especially after losing 40+ lbs and having to replace almost my whole wardrobe with a few measly dollars. (Hence, the love of the GapCard. A little too much.)

So now I've ruined my pants, defrocked myself of the shirt, and dropped a banana.

Not to mention the banging of the forehead on the shelf in the bathroom prior to all of this activity... another thing I dislike about the apartment... but... of course... it's a lengthy list...

Some days I take the cake.

I just want to go home.

Or shopping.

Terrible, terrible.

And LAME!!!

Word.