Sticking.

Here's the deal: I quit smoking two and a half months ago. It's a struggle for me every day not to smoke. My boyfriend seems to have an incredibly easy time with it and it drives me crazy.  While I don't think I'll literally go and buy a pack of smokes every day, I long for it at least once.  And I can't help it. He's sick of hearing about it and I'm sick of not smoking.  

It doesn't help that so many of my friends are smokers. And the bullshit from the informational booklet included with the patches about "friends will be jealous that you managed to quit" is just that: bullshit.  I'm jealous that they DIDN'T decide to quit.

I keep having dreams about two things: smoking cigarettes and my dead step-brother Greg.  (He died in a drunk-driving accident; he was the drunk driving...).  I think about Greg periodically but it's not like he crosses my mind every day.  Over the past month, I've had six dreams about him.  Three where he was there and three where he was just... a presence.

Anyway.

I'm sick of not smoking but I'm sticking to quitting.